Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Things Learned While Traveling

I flew down to Tampa on Monday and back home again yesterday. There's just nothing like a quick trip, now is there? (note sarcasm) I learned a few things along the way, or should I say, I remembered a few things!

1. When you witness a child pitching a tantrum at your flight's gate, do not even think "I hope he isn't seated near me." If you dare to do this, you can rest assured the little demon will be right beside you or worse yet, the row behind you.

2. Cabbies are required to take "Scare the Hell Out of Your Passengers" lessons before they are issued taxi licenses. These lessons include tailgating and slamming on brakes at 65 MPH, taking shortcuts that make the passenger feel that she may wind up dead because you've slashed her throat and dumped her body, and how to make a passenger hurl in the back seat.

3. Just because the sign out front indicates "Free High Speed Wireless Internet in All Guest Rooms" and the desk clerk assures you this is the case doesn't mean it's true. In fact, there may very well be no Internet of any kind in the hotel. This is most likely to occur when you really need to log on for work purposes.

4. Beware vagrants who accost you screaming obscenities in the parking lot of the place you and your co-worker stopped for dessert. In such cases, be sure that you are capable of quickly loccking the car doors and getting the hell out of dodge.

5. You may be fortunate enough to win (at no additional cost to you) an intense screening by TSA agents who also yell at you for no known reason. No one will tell you that you've been chosen for this special honor; you will just be directed to the shortest security line where you place your items on the conveyor belt and then are directed to stand on the cute little floor mat with the two yellow painted foot prints. If after you've been left there for 5 minutes and ask "may I leave now?" you'll be yelled at by a big ugly TSA agent who thinks he has been named king of the world. If you're truly fortunate, he will have a semi-polite female assistant who does not yell.

6. You can rest assured that Delta (or insert any airline name here) will seat you next to the broadest shoulder male passenger on the flight. It won't matter if you do have the aisle seat and the poor sucker is in the window. He will still invade your space causing you to get a crick in your back, shoulder, and neck. He will not be cute or nice. In fact, he is most likely to be an arrogant business man who thinks he's "da bomb." He will also likely be wearing smell cologne.

7. Just when you least expect it and after you've experienced items 1-6, someone will notice that you are knitting to maintain your sanity (and possibly to keep from killing someone). This person may just well show an interest in that knitting. This person may also be a man who is completely clueless about the entire knitting process and who thinks you are working magic with some sticks and string.

And that, friends, was my trip to Tampa. Good news: my Market Squares bag with Crystal Palace circulars, my Noro hat with Addi Turbo circulars, my Plymouth DPNs, darning needle, and my Clover yarn cutter all made it through the super duper TSA screening (in which they took out everything from both my bags) with nary a second glance from the screeners.


Blogger amylovie said...

Isn't that why they call it flying the "friendly" skies???

Makes you really appreciate home!


7:58 PM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

Wow, I'm glad you made it home safely. It sounds like it was "quite a ride".

8:52 PM  
Blogger bschneider5 said...

Sounds fun! Check mine out - Bradsblog

9:15 PM  
Blogger amanda said...

poor Donna! glad you made it home safely and with all those projects. can't wait to see some fo's :O)

3:22 PM  

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